At various junctures, songs occur as substantial as farts in a wind tunnel. Hydraulic platforms to elevate the Brothers to the vertiginous level of ascetic monks, literally looking down on their fans hydraulics to pucker their cyborg lips, offering the promise of a chaste, metallic-tasting kiss. It's like Triumph Of The Will for under-12s. Here, 20,000 screaming tweens waggle their glowsticks like unsullied pregnancy testers at the preening boy-men who emerge to bombastic strings and spurting sheets of flame. This becomes immediately apparent the moment we and our 3D glasses float, as if borne on angels' backs, into New York City's Madison Square Garden arena. For squillions of kids, however, the Little Christians That Could are already Olympus-sized. Yet instead of being forced to apologise, Brand should have been paid off by Disney for raising the band's profile. That job fell to Russell Brand, who mocked their no-sex-before-marriage 'Purity Rings' at 2008's MTV Video Music Awards. Nick, Kevin and Joe are the kind of all-American, all-processed poppets comedian Bill Hicks would have torn into like a school of piranha were he still alive. Hot on the huge red heels of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert, another joylessly choreographed gig from Disney's stable of pop stars so squeaky-clean they probably leave their internal organs soaking in buckets of Persil overnight.
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